The Journey

     Have you ever read those verses in James that talk about being joyful in hard times because in the end they will make you stronger and build character. Well I have, and I always thought that if that was the case then I didn't really want any more character. But something has been stirring in my heart the past couple of weeks and I'm learning something.
    All of my life, I have been a worrier. From the little things to the life changing moments, I have allowed worry and fear to play a role in every aspect of my life. And sadly, I allowed fear to cloud my perception of God and how He sees me. The past months I have been going through some very hard times. Call it fear, call it depression, call it a lack of trust. Whatever you call it, it has been taking me apart and invading my life. And through it, there have been times when I have felt like God has deserted me. I've begged God to take it away and time and again He's asked me to trust Him. And I start to cry and say,"God I'll trust You, if You make me feel better. I'll trust You, if you make Yourself more clear to me. I'll trust You, if you come stand in front of me and talk to me in person." But I've been learning that that is not trust. Trusting means believing even if the lies and fear feel so very real. Trusting means knowing that God is right there beside me, even if it feels like He is miles away. Trusting means not always knowing it or feeling it, but believing regardless.
    God has asked me to trust Him on a couple of things and when I haven't, I've begun to spiral down into fear. Through these months, I've asked why this is happening to me. And finally, something has been occurring to me. I could have gone on the way I always have been. Allowing little fears and worries to have control. I could have gone on knowing God and loving Him but always having a slight fear that He was mad or that I just didn't measure up, and I would have survived. But you know what, God didn't create us--you and me--to just merely survive. He created us to thrive in Him. To know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He loves us and delights in us.
     And I truly believe, that If I can learn the lesson of trust and deeply root it in my heart, that I will get through this time and that things will be forever different. Maybe, just maybe God is using this time in my life to shake me up and teach me something beyond my wildest dreams. I'm tired of settling and I'm tired of fear. And as I've been going through these hard times the words of James are slowly becoming more clear to me. God is for me, and God is going to bring me through stronger than ever. And you know what, whatever your story is, He's got big plans for you too. Trust in Him.

James 1:2-4
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." ~Richard Bach

Fear

    Do you ever struggle with fear? Maybe you don't even always realize it but somehow a doubt, fear or worry works its way into your mind and before you know what happened you are sharing your life with a dark cloud that just won't seem to go away. I know that I personally have fought with fear all of my life. The worries have changed over the years, but the root of the problem has not. I was thinking about this the other day and it occurred to me that fear is like a cancer. When you least expect it it sneaks in and begins to sap your strength and take over your life. The sad thing is that we all to often except this as something that we just have to deal with. Thus, we end up giving it more control by thinking that the fear is true and right. And when we look at a fear and say that it must be true, we hand it the controls to our lives. The more power that we allow the fear to have in our lives the stronger it will become and the deeper its roots will grow. This is starting to sound hopeless and depressing, but it doesn't have to be. Jesus, the One who loves you more than you will ever know, is the Master Healer. If we will allow Him, He will begin to cut away the fear and bring restoration and healing. The key here is that we have to let Him. If we continue to believe that our fears are true and give them power over our lives, we are not fully trusting that the God of the universe loves us, wants the best for us, and will never leave us. And, when we don't trust Him, we shut the door to letting Him help us. Another thing that I've noticed in my struggle with fear is that I sadly don't always know what to do when the fear is gone. It's like I've lived with worry so long, that when I feel that reassuring peace of the Father seep into my heart I question if it's real. I'm so accustomed to doubt and fear that I've sent them up as the truth. But there is so much hope for you and for me. Because God says that there is no fear in Him. So my challenge to you today is to open your heart and let it go. Allow the healing hands of the Father to hold you close and touch your heart. There is so much more to life that is just waiting for us to trust in God with our whole hearts. Those fears, they are not from God. Let them go.

1 Timothy 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."

Beauty

Today is beautiful. If you can't see it yet, start looking. The sun is shining, the air is crisp, it's the start of a brand new week. Can you see it yet? You are surrounded by people, and everyone of them is different and unique. There is music in the air, open up your heart and let it in. Can you see it yet? You are blessed, you are loved, you are important? Can you see it yet? The beauty is there, you just have to look. And most importantly you are loved by the God who created all of this beauty. I woke up this morning and a verse ran through my head, "His mercies never end, they are new every morning." That means that today is brand new, yesterday's mistakes are in the past and the beauties of today are for today. So, stop living in yesterday and start living today. Open your eyes to what God has right in front of you. Can you see it yet? It's beautiful.

Lamentations 3:22-24
"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases. His mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning. Great is Thy faithfulness. 'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul. Therefore, I will hope in Him."


"Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Brokenness

        I was in the parking lot the other day and I saw a sight that made me laugh. There were two little old ladies. One was in a wheelchair and the other was pushing her. The thing that struck me about this situation was that the woman pushing the wheelchair was blind and carrying her white cane. At first this seemed comical and a little bit dangerous.
       But as I've been thinking about this, it's started to make sense. Some people might look at these two women and scoff at their brokenness and their seemingly pitiful situation; and yet, these two old ladies have something that so many people seek--a true friend.  We are all broken in one way or another. For some it is a physical brokenness and for others it's a break that cannot be seen. This fact is not something that is meant to discourage us or make us feel bad about our situation, it is only to remind us that we need each other. I can just imagine the conversation of these women. The one might say, "excuse me, would you guide me? I'm blind." Then the other would reply, "My eyes are yours, but you are going to have to give me a push."
       Yes, we are broken, yes we have difficulties and struggles. But that is why God gave us each other. So that when I can's see the way you can give me some guidance, and when you are tired and feel as though you can't make it another step, I'll give you a push. If we had life figured out we would never have a need for the people that are all around us, and we would be missing out on a truly beautiful gift. The gift of friendship. So today, stop trying to hide your brokenness and be okay with yourself just the way you are. You may need help but you also have something wonderful to offer.


"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. "
 ~Albert Schweitzer


Proverbs 17:17
"A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need."

The Ice Worker

Jack Frost,
He sneaks in late at night,

And works in silence by the pale moonlight.

He paints such beauty, so elegant and fine.

Masterpieces of swirling, frosty design.

He's a man of mystery, this worker of ice.

There for a moment, then gone when you look twice.

Snowflakes

Snowflakes,

They dance and flutter all around.

With gentle grace they cover the ground.

They're small and delicate, this Winter lace.

They land like crystal on an upturned face.

Like hand-blown glass, they're crafted with care.

And sent to remind us that, there is Beauty everywhere.

Knitting

I love to make things. Be it painting my next masterpiece, gluing together some random objects that caught my eye, or baking something delicious, I simply love to create. These past months I have been knitting. Right now I'm working on making a huge and fuzzy red, pink and brown blanket. But just before Christmas I was working like crazy to get 7 pairs of mittens done. All of this knitting got me to thinking. It says in the Psalms that God knit me together in my mothers womb. This image resonates with me because I understand knitting. It takes time, thought and care to create something. I pour hours into the projects I work on and when I'm done I step back and smile with pride and what I've made. Sure, some of my mittens aren't exactly the same size and the thumbs don't quite match up, but I smile because they are mine and I'm proud of them. And if I can be so pleased with a pair of mittens, how much more pleased is the God of the universe who knit you together before you were even born. And the great thing is, God doesn't make mistakes. I sometimes look at myself and wonder why I am the way I am. But God never wonders that. He looks at me and you sees His masterpiece. He made me to be about 5'4" with blond hair and blues eyes. But beyond physical characteristics, He knit all sorts of quirks and traits into my being to make me the person that I am.  A person who loves to sing and dance. A heart that sighs at every beautiful story and dreams of the extraordinary. A girl who loves the color pink, can't stand mushrooms and occasionally enjoys peanut butter and pickle sandwiches. God knows all of this about me and He knows you too, because He made you and He loves you. You are priceless. Don't ever doubt it. Never look at your self and say, "I'm frayed at the edges, I'm stained, I'm broken, I'm no good." Because that is NOT what God sees. He sees you exactly the way He made you, Beautiful.

Psalm 139:13
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb."

Ephesians 2:10
"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."

“Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else.”
~Judy Garland


“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Christmas

It is December and the season of Christmas is upon us. The lights are twinkling all around, timeless carols float on the air, and their is a dusting of snow on the ground. I've always thought that Christmas is such a magical time of the year. I close my eyes and am taken back to the Christmases of my past, and I smile. The simple beauty of childhood memories are truly a priceless treasure, they are snapshots in the book of our lives. I remember the year my family didn't have enough money for a Christmas tree, so we got crafty with a refrigerator box and some green spray paint. We had to tack the lights and ornaments on, but it was beautiful. I remember the Christmases that my siblings and I sat in the living room with our mom as she read us "The Christmas Carol." I remember hours spent frosting sugar cookies which we proudly called, "lick in sticks," because you licked a little frosting and then stuck a little on the cookie. I remember the Christmas I spent in Namibia and the children's program we had in the little school where I worked. I remember last Christmas, when I was falling in love. All of these days are gone and are tucked away as beautiful memories. But, there is a Christmas memory that is new every year. And that is, that Jesus is the reason for the season. Without Jesus, we wouldn't have Christmas memories or hope. And yet He came. He came to give us life, hope and joy. He is the One who gave us our past memories and He has great plans for your future. So this Christmas season, remember the memories of Christmases past, but don't forget to look forward with anticipation at the journey that God has ahead of you. He is the reason. Merry Christmas.

"There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries."   ~W.J. Cameron

"God Bless us, everyone." ~Tiny Tim

The Voice

I was walking the other day and I realized that I couldn't hear the birds singing or the wind in the trees because there was road construction going on and the sound of the heavy machinery was overpowering everything else. And then, something occurred to me, fears are often like heavy machinery. They come in loud and overpowering until you feel as though there is no escape from it. They drown out the beautiful sounds of the world around you until you feel lost in a sea of noise, fear and distraction. But then I realized something, just because the machines are trying their best to overpower everything else, the birds are still there, the breeze is still dancing in the trees and the snow is still crunching under my feet. Just because I've stopped listening for it doesn't mean it has left. You just have to train your ears to listen over the construction so that you can hear the symphony all around you. Fear is relentless and if you give it power you will soon be sitting in the corner with your hands over your ears begging it to stop. What we must realize is that God promises to be with us always and He says that there is no fear in Him. So, when the fear begins to drown you out, you have to stop and listen. Listen past the clamoring thoughts and distractions in your mind. It says in the Bible that God doesn't always blare His words at you, He wants you to listen for them. Moses was expecting God to come thundering from the mountain tops, but He didn't. Moses had to wait and listen for that still small voice. So, when the fears and doubts begin to scream at you remember that though they may be the loudest, that doesn't mean they are the truth. God designed us to be in communion with Him. When we listen to the fears and believe them we stop communicating with God, the source of truth and peace. So, my challenge to myself and you is to start training your mind to listen for the still small voice. It is not going to be easy, because the fears aren't going to just give up, but listen past them and don't give them the time of day. Because the more time you give them, the more real they will sound. So, laugh, love, live and start listening for the still small voice.

1 Kings 19:12
"Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake;  and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice."

"The key to change is to let go of fear." --Rosanne Cash

The Perfectionist

I must admit something, I am a terrible perfectionist. When someone is hurting, I want to make it better. When I don't understand something, I want it laid out in clear, precise terms. When I fail, I take it personally. In other words, I like to be in control and when life is not in perfect order I don't know what to do. And today I realized something, I can't be in control of everything. As I look back over my life, I realize that I have all to often been legalistic. I've tried being a perfectionist for myself, others and God. I believe that Jesus died to save me from my sins and yet I still keep trying to measure up. I've given my life to the One who created it and yet I still try to hold on. I try to attain some unreachable standard, and I can't. I realize that I still look at God as a task master, someone who is waiting with a list of "To Do's". When the truth is, God sent His Son to die, so that the "To Do" list could be erased. My perfectionism has gotten in the way. It's okay to strive to be our best but what we must remember is that our best will never be good enough. That's why Jesus died. There is absolutely nothing we can do to earn that gift, we just have to take it.  The list that is in our heads, the list that makes us feel hopeless, the list that feels so long is not God's list at all. The only purpose that this list serves is to make us feel hopeless and defeated, because no matter how many things you mark off the list it will never be enough. So, that is what I have learned today; perfectionism is only going to get in your way, because you can never be perfect enough. So I'm going to have to let it go. I'm going to have to let some things be messy and some things be unanswered and I'm going to have to trust. Because I know the hope that is in Jesus Christ, it's for you and me. Don't let perfectionism get in the way of the beautiful life of freedom that is waiting for you.


Ephesians 2:8-9
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—  not by works, so that no one can boast."

The Jump

      The girl is standing on the edge of a cliff and tears begin to roll down her face. It feels as though there is no more hope. For her beautiful meadow has come to an end and there is nothing before her but a great drop. She is discouraged for it feels as though there is no choice but to go back, the canyon is simply too big. And then suddenly, He appears. At first she does not see Him and he quietly watches the conflict play out on her face. Just when she is about to turn back He places His hand on her shoulder and asks, "What's wrong?' The girl looks at Him with tears in her eyes and replies, "What do you mean, 'what's wrong?' It's obvious, I can't go forward any more and I'm going to have to turn back."
          He shakes his head and with a slight smile, says, "No you don't. There is always hope and moving forward is the only way to truly live. You just don't see how, because you are looking at the canyon. You're gaze is downward not upward."
          The girl looks up and sees nothing but the sky and wonders what He means. Then He takes her hand and says, "The only way is forward and right now it seems impossible, because you are not fully trusting Me. It is easy to trust when you know where you are and how things are going, but it is times like these that your trust and faith will be tested. Are you willing to step out regardless of how you feel about the circumstances? Are you willing to trust Me even though you don't know what lies ahead? Are you willing to trust Me even though your mind is saying that the only way is backwards?"
         The girl looked at the canyon and it seemed so very big, and then ever so gently He took her hand. "I'm not going to make you do this alone," He said. "I promise to go through it with you. You just have to make sure that you keep a hold of My hand. When you let go of my hand and your trust wavers, you'll start to feel as though you are spinning out of  control. So hold on tight, I promise I won't let you go." And so, she took his hand and without looking back, she jumped.  
         Have you ever been there? At that place where you feel as though you have no hope and that the only out is back. Forward seems scary, because you have no idea what's out there. Your mind is screaming at you that it is not the right move and the enemy would have you believe that if you take that jump you will be lost, because he doesn't want you to win. But the One who created your heart, knows these struggles and He doesn't promise that they will go away. But He does promise to hold your hand through them. So today, stop looking back--It's not an option. The Lover of your soul is waiting for you to take His hand and trust Him. Your mind may scream at you, the world might tell you you're crazy. But look into His eyes and see the love that He has for you and Jump. You won't regret it.

Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

"Faith is two things: Either you'll take a step and find your on solid ground. Or you'll learn to fly." --Unkown

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." --Unknown