Have you ever felt in control or out of control or like you just can't quite figure out what's going on? I've been thinking about control lately because I realize that I am a control freak. This realization has been slowly settling in my mind, but truly hit home yesterday when I had to call into work sick. I agonized over the decision, thinking "But maybe I'm not really that sick? or what if I'm just being pathetic and don't want to go to work today?" Until my husband finally got through to me and told me to call my boss and go back to sleep. As I was laying there I began to realize that this early morning drama stemmed from my need to be in control. By calling in sick, I was, in a way, letting go of some of my control.
As I have thought about this, I have come to understand that many of the things that I worry about stem from my deep seated need for control. I worry that I have to continually do things to "Make God happy with me." I often fear that if I make one wrong step God is going to remove His love and grace from me. I think to myself that I have to "cross my T's and dot my i's" I'll be doing okay. I also see this need for control coming out in the form of OCD. For example, I feel the pressing need to check and make sure I turned all the lights off not once but two or three times. I check and re-check things because in some way I think my mind believes that I am then in control.
Someone once told me that by striving to take control and have the upper hand, I am ignoring God's gift of grace. And, it has occurred to me that that is what I'm trying to do. But, His grace came because we can't do it. He so wants me and you to lay down our need for control, to simply hand it over and allow Him to have complete control. This seems kind of scary to a control freak like myself. But I don't think that I will be able to fully and completely walk in the joy of His grace until I've stopped trying to do it myself. So, my challenge to you today is to recognize that He came so we won't have to worry about the controls anymore and to lay back and enjoy the ride. Have a great Saturday.
"But You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one to lose control
You say you will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it's then I'll find my soul
You say let it go."~Tenth Avenue North
"It makes no sense to worry about things you have no
control over because there's nothing you can do about them, and why
worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you
immobilized." ~Wayne Dyer