Friday, January 2, 2015
I struggle with worry. It can be annoying and it also can be overwhelming. Sometimes I worry about things and it just makes life more difficult. And other times I allow worry to invade and it feels like all hope has left me. My husband patiently stands by me and tries to help me understand that God doesn't speak in fear, and he reminds me not to listen to it if it is fear. But my argument usually sounds like this, "How can I not listen to it? The fear is screaming so loudly in my head that I can't hear anything else. Why doesn't God speak louder?" But then I was reminded of this story.
1 Kings 19: 11-13
"And he said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”"
Fear can seem like a harsh wind, and an earthquake, and a fire. But God is a whisper, a calm, a peace.
It says in Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."
And so sometimes I pray and plead with God to help me with the fear to make me feel better. I try to sit and read the Bible, but the fear just invades. But it occurred to me this morning that that verse says to "Be still" but it doesn't necessarily have to be a physical stillness. My mind needs to be still. I can sit perfectly still and be quiet but my mind is on overdrive. It is struggling to find a way out of what I'm worried about, it is arguing with myself and God, non of which allows for any stillness.
Sometimes I find that my mind is still right when I'm waking up. I can fall asleep worried but right when I wake up, I feel at peace. It's like my brain hasn't fully woken up and the part that likes to over analyze and worry hasn't quite caught up with the more child like part of my brain. The part that knows that peace and rest are found in the stillness. That God is there.
Yesterday was the first day of this new year and I decided that I wanted to have a verse for my year. I think Deuteronomy 30:19b might be a good one.
"Therefore choose life..."
God is peace. God is joy. God is life.